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Feb. 2nd, 2022 07:25 pmToday I left the house and went to the store and the other store and the salon and the coffee place and generally interacted in public.
I was not wearing a bra.
It is the first time I have been in public without a bra on since 7th grade. I felt fucking naked and vulnerable and also like I had a very powerful secret.
Oddly enough, I still have cleavage.
* * *
Today I got my prescription for my "soft prosthetic camisole" and I'm so upset. Like, I have no tits and I still have to wear a fucking BRA and have TITS?! I'm offended.
* * *
I'm so scared Cody is going to die. He's sick, he keeps getting sick, and he won't go to the doctor because he's gone twice and one told him to eat less sugar and one put him on a diuretic. Useless. Every 2 to 3 month he is overcome by chills, but no fever. He gets weak and shaky and disoriented. His leg swells up like twice the size. I think it looks like cellulitis, personally. He takes to bed and sometimes its 3 or 4 days before he's feeling ok. This has been happening on and off for years and years, but like once a year, maybe less. Now it's almost like clockwork, every couple months. He's been told the swollen leg could be congestive heart failure, but he's also got a fucked up heart valve. He's fat and inactive. I'm terrified he's going to become very ill or die.
And on top of that, we went out today to the thrift store and I didn't realize- I knew, I just didn't grasp- how bad Cody is about going out in public. He's never gone many places, and I know new places make him anxious, but today. Today I realized the list of places Cody will willingly go is very small. He will take me to the doctor, Safeway, Yoke's, Mitchel's, Grocery Outlet, BiMart, Ace Hardware, and Les Scwab (but won't go inside). I suggested food, he agreed to Zip's. I had to pee so we went inside and he was vibrating to get out. I put my straw in my drink and he freaked out about taking my mask off in the restaurant to take a sip. Like, I know he has had anxiety for years, but this is...man, he's not coming out of the panini ok.
* * *
Tomorrow I go see my rheumatologist for I don't know what. He's never done anything before and is kind of a dick, but I'll go, then go in and get my fake titties. And then I have a few days before I go see MORE doctors. Ugh
I was not wearing a bra.
It is the first time I have been in public without a bra on since 7th grade. I felt fucking naked and vulnerable and also like I had a very powerful secret.
Oddly enough, I still have cleavage.
* * *
Today I got my prescription for my "soft prosthetic camisole" and I'm so upset. Like, I have no tits and I still have to wear a fucking BRA and have TITS?! I'm offended.
* * *
I'm so scared Cody is going to die. He's sick, he keeps getting sick, and he won't go to the doctor because he's gone twice and one told him to eat less sugar and one put him on a diuretic. Useless. Every 2 to 3 month he is overcome by chills, but no fever. He gets weak and shaky and disoriented. His leg swells up like twice the size. I think it looks like cellulitis, personally. He takes to bed and sometimes its 3 or 4 days before he's feeling ok. This has been happening on and off for years and years, but like once a year, maybe less. Now it's almost like clockwork, every couple months. He's been told the swollen leg could be congestive heart failure, but he's also got a fucked up heart valve. He's fat and inactive. I'm terrified he's going to become very ill or die.
And on top of that, we went out today to the thrift store and I didn't realize- I knew, I just didn't grasp- how bad Cody is about going out in public. He's never gone many places, and I know new places make him anxious, but today. Today I realized the list of places Cody will willingly go is very small. He will take me to the doctor, Safeway, Yoke's, Mitchel's, Grocery Outlet, BiMart, Ace Hardware, and Les Scwab (but won't go inside). I suggested food, he agreed to Zip's. I had to pee so we went inside and he was vibrating to get out. I put my straw in my drink and he freaked out about taking my mask off in the restaurant to take a sip. Like, I know he has had anxiety for years, but this is...man, he's not coming out of the panini ok.
* * *
Tomorrow I go see my rheumatologist for I don't know what. He's never done anything before and is kind of a dick, but I'll go, then go in and get my fake titties. And then I have a few days before I go see MORE doctors. Ugh