(no subject)

Quitting smoking is really hard. I know I've gone on about this before because I've tried and failed before but the thing is...it's really hard.

I woke up today and poured my coffee and put on my pants and was ready to go out on the porch with my cig and my phone as I do every day. It's how I start my day. But I can't do that anymore and it seems stupid to take my phone to sit on the porch if I'm NOT smoking. It makes me feel off. Like I've forgotten to do something very important, but I haven't forgotten, I know exactly what I didn't do.

It's really hard when I:
-First get up
-Finish my first cup of coffee
-Eat a meal
-Drive
-Get ready for bed

I'm only going to assume it's going to be hard as fuck at work tonight because the way I get to actually take a break is to go smoke. No cigs...I'm going to just have to go outside and sit down and fuck with my phone or something.

You want to see my back? This is what it looks like now. I have no discs between L4/L5 and L5/S1



And here's the best pic I can find of what they're going to do to me in 12 weeks.



So every time I want a cigarette I pop a gobstopper in my mouth and look at my future frankenspine. But, really, when I want to smoke it's like a full body compulsion to go do it and it's HARD.

If you don't smoke, please don't ever start.